The posts that never come. . .

Okay. . . So much for resolutions like “I _will_ write at least one blog post a week!!” or “I need to finish talking about my bleep-ing Newfoundland trip!” or “I should sleep more!!!”

This “gainful employment” thing kinda sucks, aside from the money, the doing something awesome with my days instead of being eff-ing bored All. The. Time., the meeting new and awesome people, the money, and gaining useful experience for my CV. Did I mention the money? Cause two years of almost total unemployment paired with me still wanting some kind of life left me with one sad credit card statement. So money coming in is both very confusing and awesome. Confusing since it’s weird to see the bank statement increase bi-weekly. Though that does get sucked into the credit card pretty quickly.

And Christmas is coming.

Which leads me to a raft of excuses for why I’ll probably be AWOL for most of the rest of the year. See, I’m going to try to actually _do_ stuff in the next couple of months, along with working 5 days a week, singing Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays, knitting a stupid number of X-mas presents, going to the gym 4-5 times a week, and baking the usual ridiculous number of cookies. Plus several birthday treats for the several birthdays coming up, and finally making good on a couple of presents the boyfriend and I gave a couple of years ago. Heh, you heard right – a _couple_ of years ago. . .

We’re so awesome. . .

And, oh yes, I almost forgot Hallowe’en. Because 1. I’m actually trying to make a costume for the first time in years (I don’t know if you remember how old I am, but it’s pretty ridiculous, since I’m not 7 anymore. Not that there’s anything wrong with other people who dress up who aren’t 7, _I_ just feel ridiculous), 2. It’s my Mom’s birthday and I have a new recipe I want to make for her (it involves potatoes. My mom _loves_ potatoes in an unholy way), 3. I have to carve a ridiculous pumpkin (I might not _have_ to, technically. But this is me, and if I can be truly ridiculous, I can’t help but be even more ridiculous than that), and 4. There’s not enough time this weekend to come close to finishing everything I need to do. . . Unless I don’t sleep of course. . .

If only that were a feasible option.

In addition to making myself waaaaaayyyyyy too busy, I’m also in a kind of not awesome place, emotionally. Which is part of why I’m filling my days too full, so I don’t have time to think about things. I’ve talked about the problems I’ve been having with my choir before, so I won’t belabor that point. But it’s getting to the point where sometime in the near future I’m going to have to make a decision. And I don’t want to. I don’t want to have to leave a choir I’ve been a part of since I was 6. I don’t want to have to be the one to tell my church’s priest exactly what’s wrong and why I’m leaving the Sunday choir. I don’t want to be the one to tell my choir director why the choir isn’t as good as it could, no _should_ be (i.e. Her. . .). I’ve been talking about this off and on for the last few years, enough so that the boyfriend is probably a little fed up with me. But there’s a reason I’ve put off looking for another choir, that I’ve put off telling the people who need to know what they need to know, that I’ve remained (increasingly) frustrated about the situation I find myself in. One reason is the convenience of it – the church is literally 2 minutes away from my parents’ house. Which won’t always be the case, if I can keep up this fully employed thing and move out next year. But more problematic is the emotional attachment. I’ve sung at this place for more than two decades, my grandparents are buried in the cemetery on the church grounds, I know and care for a lot of people in the parish, it’s my Dad’s church, I’m friends with a significant number of members of the choir. And this is all tangled up together in a big jumble of emotion that pretty much paralyses me. I’m in a kind of straw-that-broke-the-camel’s-back kind of situation, and yet I can’t let myself do anything about it. Why should it be me that leaves? Why does it have to be me??

And after some gnashing of teeth and tearing of hair I came to a realization: for now, the good outweighs the bad. Just barely, but still. I’ve always been one to put friendship above my own needs, and why should I change that now? There are plenty of points at which I can reevaluate the situation, other times I can think about this.

In the meantime, I’m going to be looking at possible options. . .

Back to work! Any tough decisions on your plate, Dear Internet?

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Oh crap, it’s been almost a month. . .

Ummmm. . . Oooops

My only excuse is this pile of excuses. . . 1. I went to PEI; 2. I had several job interviews; 3. I (with a friend) baked and decorated a three-tier cake for a friend’s bachelorette party; 4. I went to a bachelorette party; 5. I suddenly became all employed; 6. I made a party dress (with full lining) to wear for my friend’s wedding; 7. I went to Huntsville for a long weekend to celebrate said wedding; 8. I decided that sleeping was a good idea; 9. I had to take over for our fearless leader on the Wednesday night services I sing (including music selection, conducting, and knowing what the fuck is going on) for the last three weeks.

For some reason I was a bit preoccupied. I hope you’ll forgive me, Dear Internet.

I’m actually here with a tiny rant about nail polish – and not the hundreds of posts I’m intending to write in the near(ish) future. . .

Anyroad – Reasons Nail Polish On My Fingernails Is Annoying To Me:
(in no particular order)
1. My OCD is partly focussed on my fingernails, so polish just feels odd and distracting. So I inevitably end up picking it off within a few days of applying it. My record is a week after application. My other record is a few hours after application. . .

2. It never lasts very long on my fingers (certainly nowhere near as long as on my toenails), leading to excessive reapplication so as to not appear (too) unkempt. Which makes Lazy-Katie angry.

3. It never looks really good when I do it myself and Cheap-Katie is too cheap (and lazy, see above) to get it done professionally with any regularity.

4. Again, re my OCD, I hate letting my nails grow very long. And by “very long” I mean about 1-2 mm of length beyond the quick. This leads to insane trimmage urges. Which does not go very well with polished nails. For some reason.

5. Even though I love colour (to the point of insanity. And beyond), I’m apparently super-conservative about putting funky colours on my fingernails. I have a tattoo, but using blue polish feels weird to me. Don’t get me wrong, I like reds and pinks (occasionally purples, if I’m getting super-adventurous), but I find my choices kinda boring after a while. Not that that changes anything.

Ok. Apparently this rant isn’t so much about how I dislike nail polish on my fingernails as it’s a rant about how nutbar I am. Hmmmm. Oh well. . .

Here’s a photo of my most recent manicure (from the wedding):

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Not bad for four days later. It won’t last much longer, I can feel it.

But anyway, stay tuned for new posts coming up – more Newfoundland, PEI photos, some baking, my friend’s wedding weekend (and my pretty dress!!) – are all coming your way! Sometime this century. . .