Fail

This won’t be a long one, and don’t expect any pretty pictures, cause I need to go to sleep now. But I thought I’d let you know, Dear Internet, why I’ve been so absent lately.

1. I discovered Pinterest. As you know, I’m mildly (hah) OCD, and this is definitely filling up my available Internetting minutes right now. It’s not at all that I need to PIN ALL THE THINGS RIGHT NOW!!!! Nope . . . Hmmmmmmm maybe I should like my Pinterest to this here blog? Things to think on.

2. I’ve been testing out new recipes like a crazy person. In my looking at changing the diet a little, I’m discovering the joy of lentils, and expanding my knowledge of the awesomeness of quinoa. Pictures may follow at some point. . .

3. I totally gave myself another concussion this weekend. Yeah, I said “another” – this is my second doctor-diagnosed concussion. And they’ve both been due to my problems with standing up near hard edged objects. Damn you, Kitchen Counter!!! I kept on with my mad schedule of baking and cooking ALL THE THINGS this weekend. Cause I’m dumb. And them with less than three hours of sleep on Sunday night, I was pretty much down for the count yesterday (unsurprisingly). Wheee. I discovered the evil of fluorescent lights today. Not that I didn’t already know they were evil. . .

Fail.

4. I’ve been preparing for the Lenten music season – new music and all that.

Anyway. I promise to try to be more diligent about posting, Dear internet. Is that good enough for now? I do have things up my sleeve, just so you know.

Any good new obsessions for you lately??

I have something I’d like to say

Okay. So. I’ve been a little busy. Preocupied, even. 12 job applications in the last 2 weeks, attempting (and sadly failing) to finish my knit solar system (Damn you, Pinched Nerves!!), planning some baking (brownies, and phyllo appetizers!! Photos to come! I promise!!!) and all the other things that fill my life full to bursting, leaving me to ignore you, my Dear Internet. An unforgivable crime, I know.

But. Today, on my way down to the subway level (and I’ll admit, I was preoccupied with my thoughts at the time and might not have paid attention as well as usual), I ended up cutting off some dumb biddy (not that I’m feeling annoyed or anything) to get down the stairs. I was going round a corner, fairly quickly as is my wont, and heard this muttered “Christ!!” behind me. Oh, I’m sorry, Slow Person! Did I go too fast for you to realize I’d get to that spot before you did?? Also, how is it my fault that I got there first? I wasn’t trying anything, You. Walked. Into. Me.

And it’s hard not to add “Dumbass.” there at the end. . .

I’ve been having various conversations on this theme lately, one at lunch today even – the Rudeness in Public Transit Conversation. Or possibly the Thoughtlessness in Public Transit Conversation. Well, they’re basically the same thing, aren’t they?

People push in front of you to go slowly, people stand at the top/bottom of staircases or in doorways obstructing the way, etc. ad nauseum. And apparently, people resent others who go faster than them.

But. Why should I have to be the one who makes way all the time? Why do I have to pay attention to EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME?? I’m the one who moves out of the way on the sidewalk when the person going the other way doesn’t move out of my path. I’m the one who let’s the other person go first, the one who let’s someone have the seat I wanted, even when I’m having a terrible headache and really need to sit down. Not that they ask, in general.

So what if, on occasion, I don’t bow to other people’s needs? How often have I missed my train/bus/etc. because of staying behind the Slow Person Who Takes Up The Whole Pathway??

/rant

How was your day, Dear Internet?

And, just so you know, there will shortly be a much less rant-y post to follow. . .

I LOVE that “aaarrrrggghhh” is my most used category. . .

Yup. Thanks, Category Cloud, for summing up my life so beautifully. I was happy until the post I was writing decided to vanish after I tried to add a link . . . AAARRRRGGGHHH indeed. . .

Anywho – I’ll try to recapture what was lost through the judicious application of that thing called “memory”. I know this is strange for you, Dear Internet, so bear with me.

First off, I made a totally new recipe (for me) last night (between work and singing, and then after singing too). And there are photos. Which you won’t see until I’ve tried one of the items I baked and decided how I feel about it. And after other people have eated them and told me if they are any good or not. I will say that custard was involved, and said custard was quite tasty, if I do say so myself. My dad agrees, but I really don’t know if that’s an endorsement that will carry much weight for you. Especially when I tell you that my dad? If it’s not too vinegary for him, he likes it and eats several portions of it until it is gone. And no, he’s not fat. He’s not even that unhealthy (though, there was a recent heart-health scare, that has made him realize that he can’t eat like a 20-year-old forever – damn you cholesterol!). For which I am daily annoyed. Damn you, hormones!

I have a cute bunny knit up (with cute wee knitted carrots!) that I need to remember to photograph for your viewing pleasure too. So expect custardy things and bunnies in your future!

I was also writing about how “productive” my day is going today (as evidenced by this blogging that I’m doing currently). Though, I do own that the bulk of productivity for me today lies in the Spoonflower (check out my blog roll thingy, cause links, they won’t work. . . dumb computer) searching I’ve done. You should see my list of “OMG!!! SOOOOOOOO CUTE!! I WANTS IT!!!!!!!” fabrics that is steadily growing. The number of times my clicker has hovered, whistfully/longingly/anticipatorially/tentatively, over that “Buy Now!” button. Because, for some reason, print on demand fabric isn’t all that cheap (it’s not unreasonably priced for the quality of fabric they seem to carry, but it’s still pricy in comparison to the discount online stores I frequent. [Aside: Remind me to tell you about the plaid fabric I fell in love with on Waechter’s online store. Not a discount store, that one. Oh well.] Though, I (proud/sad to say) have not purchased anything from them (i.e. Spoonflower). YET. . . Cause, topiary fabric? medieval besitary fabric? mushrooms? sea creature “paisley”? knitting/sewing/baking novelty fabrics (APRONS! OH THE APRONS!!!)? pigeon paisley!?!?!!??? OCTOPUS paisley? constellations? “SQUIDAMASK”???!!!??? and SKIRT PATTERN FABRIC?????? YES PLEASE! I’d be linking to all of these gems, except, as metioned above, LINKS DON’T WORK HERE RIGHT NOW!! sigh.

Not that I’m excited or anything. . .

Anyroad – Spoonflower, it is awesome (and no, I’m not being paid to say that. Notice the lack of specific advertisers?). And I will eventually make a yard or two (or five) of these beauties mine own. And even if they only end up being used as facing/pocket bags (like to make pockets, not purses. though purses could work too, come to think of it)/linings, they will make me happy. And that’s what matters, isn’t it? Might as well do what you can to make yourself happy in this life (without negatively impacting others, of course), cause it’s never long enough, is it.

My life is pretty full right now, so I think I’ll type out a handy-dandy bullet point list for you, Dear Internet, of all the up-coming projects on my plate. In no particular order, the ones that come to my head are:

  • Solar system mobile (for a tiny new person who’s just joined us here on Earth), using MochiMochi’s Teeny-Tiny earth pattern as inspiration. The Sun is taking for bloody ever, and I’m not even trying to get it in scale. sigh. Mecury and Pluto both only took a couple of  minutes though, so I guess it balances out a bit.
  • Work on my CV and cover letters for several jobs that have come up that I want to apply to in the next couple of weeks
  • Knit up the Teknica gloves (for me, cause I’m that selfish) from the Winter 2011 Knitty Magazine (huh. should link to that in my blog-links-thingumy) – you use conductive thread in the thumb and forefinger, so that YOU CAN HAVE WARM HANDS AND SMART PHONES TOO in the wintertime. Since it is finally getting a little Winter-y up here in the Great White North
  • Sew up two new skirts from remnants (i.e. the FOUR extra yards I got. Cause it was such a good price. . .) of the wool/silk blend herringbone suiting I used as a trim on my Fancy Dress for the wedding I attended this past Fall (have I shown you photos of said Fancy Dress? I forget. I’ll check on that and get back to you): one pencil skirt, and one wrap skirt
  • Sew up a new dress, possibly using the Coffee Date Dress pattern so generously made available on The Selfish Seamstress’ site (see my blog list-roll do-hicky over there on the right-hand side of the screen. Cause, links. . . Remember?) or one of the patterns from the Built by Wendy Dresses book (do an amazon/chapters search, cause I’m lazy. and . . . do  I need to say it?), out of this great large-scale check (in soft blues, greys, and greens) dupioni silk I got for like half off (yaaaayyyy! discount fabric web stores!)
  • Silk blouse (you should see the colour – blue-ish teal-y awesomeness!) from the Colette Sencha pattern
  • Clean my bedroom. Cause it’s making my OCD soul scream in agony. Constantly. So annoying
  • Bake a tasty treat for a singing rehearsal with the Valrhona cocoa I got for Christmas. Lucky girl, or what? I’m thinking the Brownie Cut-Out Cookies, for ice cream sandwiches. Cause nothing is better for singing than chocolate AND dairy products!!
  • Prepare for our first Wednesday night octet. And It Is Going To Be Awesome. That is all.
  • (not actually all, sorry to psych you out there)
  • Make myself (see?? so selfish. . .) a stuffed elephant (same base pattern as the Upcoming Bunny), cause it’s been calling out to me for the past five years and I’ve YET to make her. Which is just rude of me, when you think about it.
  • Look for a new sewing machine, for when I move out. Cause the Huskvarna, it is not the awesome, and why should I get to take it with me when I move out anyway? My sister sews a bit too, so that would be extra-selfish. A helping I’m not ready to take (i don’t kow if your brain is going to follow the logic of that, as my brain is notoriously weird when it comes to logical progressions, but I’m leaving it in cause it makes me happy). Looking at the economical Bernette line from Bernina, but I’ll let you know what I think when I’ve tested one out.
  • Start on that whole find-out-what’s-going-on-in-my-innards medical testing thing I’ve been meaning to get the ball rolling on. . .  

So yeah. . . That’s me for the next little while.

Maybe I’ll start working on finishing uploading all those Newfoundland photos. . . Heh.

See you laters, Dear Internet!

I hate computers

Yes that’s right. I said it. Computers effing suck sometimes.

I was about to finish a nice little nostalgic post, but this stupid site effed up and instead of loading a link I was adding to the post, it MADE THE POST VANISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So you’re going to have to wait for the nice, nostalgic post until I’m less about stab someone. That is all.

I hate you, Internet Explorer

I was totally in the middle of writing you an awesome post on my tasty spinach dip, Dear Internet, when my internet totally crapped out on me here.

Ok, I should be working, but still.

So now I’m in a bad mood and you’re going to have to wait for the recipe. . .

Blarg.

Also, the photo uploader went kablooie. The bastard. I was going to show you a picture of a cute puppy. . .

Knitpocalypse

Sooooooooo. . . First off, don’t blame me for the lateness of this blog post, as I did warn you! I’m so busy right now that 6 hours of sleep at a time is an amazing luxury . . . And I still have 8 knitting projects and one embroidery project for Christmas presents, as well as the boatloads of cookies I’m going to be baking next week. And the decorating, and the parties, and the singing, and the sing-along messiah, a crazy-packed weekend coming up, and the fact that I’m going to be at work until next Wednesday. AND ANOTHER DOCTOR WHO MARATHON!!!!!!! Not that I’m excited or anything. . . Though, I finished and packed all my presents bound for Calgary (for the boyfriend’s family) yesterday – just in time to ship them off on the last day that Canada Post will guarantee arrival by Christmas. And I didn’t even have to wait in line! It was surreal.

I just had a full day of software training at work today (so. bored.), and I’m running off to see my fearless leader for our present exchange dinner (at Elle M’a Dit – Alsatian cuisine!!). And I also have a treat to make for the post-service wine and cheese tomorrow. That I’d forgotten about until yesterday. Oops. . . I’m soooooo busy!!

So I can’t go swimming until Thursday, mope. Since a bout with the flu a couple of weeks ago, I’ve been pretty terrible about regular workouts. Though, that’s offset by the roughly 5 pounds I lost because of the flu. Which I somehow haven’t gained right back. . .

In the YAY column of life – my concert this past weekend went amazingly well!! Though, coming off the major adrenalin surge I got from that isn’t fun. Headaches and exhaustion and lethargy, oh my! Also awesome are
The sunrises recently – they’ve been so spectacular I haven’t been able to resent being up early enough to see them. Wish I had photos to share, but I was so awestruck I missed my photo opportunity window two days running. . . I do have a couple photos of the spectacular moon the last couple of days though:

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Maybe it’s the excess X-mas spirit I’ve gotten from singing a concert of Christmas carols (and Britten’s Ceremony of Carols!!!), maybe it’s hormones, maybe it’s finding someone whose awesome nerdiness rivals even my own, but damn but have I been feeling chipper. Exhausted and chipper, weird combination. Maybe it’s the fact that for the first time in two years I’ve been able to be genuinely happy without stress or excessive pressure on my shoulders. Maybe this is what real happiness feels like. Though, it’d be sad if I can’t recognize pure, unadulterated happiness, wouldn’t it?

Screw it, no introspection for me today. Life is good! It probably won’t stay that way for long, but dammit I’ll enjoy it while it lasts!

And seriously – I’m ridiculously excited about my upcoming Doctor Who-a-thon this Friday: awesome show, awesome awesome people to hang out with, awesome Whovian crafts (can’t wait!!), awesome Whovian snacks!!!! This week is going by soooooooooo slowly. . . If only I had a better TARDIS than this one:

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(made by me!)

It would definitely come in handy right about now. . .

And now, back to some knitting. How busy are you this month, Dear Internet?

(and, reading this back to myself, I’m noticing that sleeplessness really doesn’t help in elocution. Sorry about the jumping from topic to topic. . . Maybe I’ll be more lucid after the craziness of Christmas has passed? Not that I was very lucid to begin with. . .)

The posts that never come. . .

Okay. . . So much for resolutions like “I _will_ write at least one blog post a week!!” or “I need to finish talking about my bleep-ing Newfoundland trip!” or “I should sleep more!!!”

This “gainful employment” thing kinda sucks, aside from the money, the doing something awesome with my days instead of being eff-ing bored All. The. Time., the meeting new and awesome people, the money, and gaining useful experience for my CV. Did I mention the money? Cause two years of almost total unemployment paired with me still wanting some kind of life left me with one sad credit card statement. So money coming in is both very confusing and awesome. Confusing since it’s weird to see the bank statement increase bi-weekly. Though that does get sucked into the credit card pretty quickly.

And Christmas is coming.

Which leads me to a raft of excuses for why I’ll probably be AWOL for most of the rest of the year. See, I’m going to try to actually _do_ stuff in the next couple of months, along with working 5 days a week, singing Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays, knitting a stupid number of X-mas presents, going to the gym 4-5 times a week, and baking the usual ridiculous number of cookies. Plus several birthday treats for the several birthdays coming up, and finally making good on a couple of presents the boyfriend and I gave a couple of years ago. Heh, you heard right – a _couple_ of years ago. . .

We’re so awesome. . .

And, oh yes, I almost forgot Hallowe’en. Because 1. I’m actually trying to make a costume for the first time in years (I don’t know if you remember how old I am, but it’s pretty ridiculous, since I’m not 7 anymore. Not that there’s anything wrong with other people who dress up who aren’t 7, _I_ just feel ridiculous), 2. It’s my Mom’s birthday and I have a new recipe I want to make for her (it involves potatoes. My mom _loves_ potatoes in an unholy way), 3. I have to carve a ridiculous pumpkin (I might not _have_ to, technically. But this is me, and if I can be truly ridiculous, I can’t help but be even more ridiculous than that), and 4. There’s not enough time this weekend to come close to finishing everything I need to do. . . Unless I don’t sleep of course. . .

If only that were a feasible option.

In addition to making myself waaaaaayyyyyy too busy, I’m also in a kind of not awesome place, emotionally. Which is part of why I’m filling my days too full, so I don’t have time to think about things. I’ve talked about the problems I’ve been having with my choir before, so I won’t belabor that point. But it’s getting to the point where sometime in the near future I’m going to have to make a decision. And I don’t want to. I don’t want to have to leave a choir I’ve been a part of since I was 6. I don’t want to have to be the one to tell my church’s priest exactly what’s wrong and why I’m leaving the Sunday choir. I don’t want to be the one to tell my choir director why the choir isn’t as good as it could, no _should_ be (i.e. Her. . .). I’ve been talking about this off and on for the last few years, enough so that the boyfriend is probably a little fed up with me. But there’s a reason I’ve put off looking for another choir, that I’ve put off telling the people who need to know what they need to know, that I’ve remained (increasingly) frustrated about the situation I find myself in. One reason is the convenience of it – the church is literally 2 minutes away from my parents’ house. Which won’t always be the case, if I can keep up this fully employed thing and move out next year. But more problematic is the emotional attachment. I’ve sung at this place for more than two decades, my grandparents are buried in the cemetery on the church grounds, I know and care for a lot of people in the parish, it’s my Dad’s church, I’m friends with a significant number of members of the choir. And this is all tangled up together in a big jumble of emotion that pretty much paralyses me. I’m in a kind of straw-that-broke-the-camel’s-back kind of situation, and yet I can’t let myself do anything about it. Why should it be me that leaves? Why does it have to be me??

And after some gnashing of teeth and tearing of hair I came to a realization: for now, the good outweighs the bad. Just barely, but still. I’ve always been one to put friendship above my own needs, and why should I change that now? There are plenty of points at which I can reevaluate the situation, other times I can think about this.

In the meantime, I’m going to be looking at possible options. . .

Back to work! Any tough decisions on your plate, Dear Internet?

Oh crap, it’s been almost a month. . .

Ummmm. . . Oooops

My only excuse is this pile of excuses. . . 1. I went to PEI; 2. I had several job interviews; 3. I (with a friend) baked and decorated a three-tier cake for a friend’s bachelorette party; 4. I went to a bachelorette party; 5. I suddenly became all employed; 6. I made a party dress (with full lining) to wear for my friend’s wedding; 7. I went to Huntsville for a long weekend to celebrate said wedding; 8. I decided that sleeping was a good idea; 9. I had to take over for our fearless leader on the Wednesday night services I sing (including music selection, conducting, and knowing what the fuck is going on) for the last three weeks.

For some reason I was a bit preoccupied. I hope you’ll forgive me, Dear Internet.

I’m actually here with a tiny rant about nail polish – and not the hundreds of posts I’m intending to write in the near(ish) future. . .

Anyroad – Reasons Nail Polish On My Fingernails Is Annoying To Me:
(in no particular order)
1. My OCD is partly focussed on my fingernails, so polish just feels odd and distracting. So I inevitably end up picking it off within a few days of applying it. My record is a week after application. My other record is a few hours after application. . .

2. It never lasts very long on my fingers (certainly nowhere near as long as on my toenails), leading to excessive reapplication so as to not appear (too) unkempt. Which makes Lazy-Katie angry.

3. It never looks really good when I do it myself and Cheap-Katie is too cheap (and lazy, see above) to get it done professionally with any regularity.

4. Again, re my OCD, I hate letting my nails grow very long. And by “very long” I mean about 1-2 mm of length beyond the quick. This leads to insane trimmage urges. Which does not go very well with polished nails. For some reason.

5. Even though I love colour (to the point of insanity. And beyond), I’m apparently super-conservative about putting funky colours on my fingernails. I have a tattoo, but using blue polish feels weird to me. Don’t get me wrong, I like reds and pinks (occasionally purples, if I’m getting super-adventurous), but I find my choices kinda boring after a while. Not that that changes anything.

Ok. Apparently this rant isn’t so much about how I dislike nail polish on my fingernails as it’s a rant about how nutbar I am. Hmmmm. Oh well. . .

Here’s a photo of my most recent manicure (from the wedding):

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Not bad for four days later. It won’t last much longer, I can feel it.

But anyway, stay tuned for new posts coming up – more Newfoundland, PEI photos, some baking, my friend’s wedding weekend (and my pretty dress!!) – are all coming your way! Sometime this century. . .

Close to burning out here

Ok. I know I’ve been doing the mope mopey mope mope about having no job after next week, but after a week of sleeping very poorly (all told, less than 5 hours a night, and averaging under 3), terrible transit issues making the evil commute eviler, and having too much to do in the time I do have, I am totally about to implode.

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I know it’s very “First World Issues” of me, but I’m thinking I’m getting close to a mental break. Maybe if I sleep as much as possible this weekend? Sad as it is, I’m looking forward to going to bed early tonight. . . But I’ll exercise this weekend, which will hopefully help in the energy collapse problem I’m dealing with currently – I’m helping my dad tomorrow with fitting our ditches with river rock so we don’t have to mow the evil steepity of the ditches anymore. He’s had a heart health scare and I don’t want him to do _all_ the work himself. Plus, squats are good for the glutes and quads. And Sunday, the boyfriend and I are going to hike a new trail for us (look out for photos!!) before a yummy backyard BBQ! So that’ll be nice and relaxing.

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It feels kind of like I’m tearing in two right now. Part of me really needs to find a job, get working, start earning/saving/moving out of my parents’ place/growing up. But another part is feeling so stressed out right now that I’m pretty sure my immune system has gone completely haywire. And maybe excessive office air-conditioning isn’t helping out, but my internal body climate control is seriously on the fritz and I cannot sleep even if it’s mildly warm and slightly humid anymore. Which, thank you circularity, means that on top of everything it’s harder to sleep, and getting harder all the time. Thus making me even more twitchy and stressed out.

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It’s like this morning, while waiting for the subway, I hit a metaphorical wall. A mental roadblock, if you will. Waiting an extra 8 minutes for the subway due to a disabled train further back on the line became the one more thing that I couldn’t take. The piece of straw that the camel swore lustily at for all the back surgeries. It’s not a big deal really, nothing I haven’t gone through before (thanks, woefully underfunded transit system! You rock). But today it’s like part of me said, “You know what? No. No more.” and then went on vacation. Leaving the rest of my over-stressed self to take up the slack. But that rest of me is about to need back surgery too. It probably doesn’t help that I’m waiting to hear that I won’t get a second interview, that I have some horrible disease, and that my credit card will be hacked again. You know, something crappy. On edge would be one way to describe it. . .

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So here I am. Teetering at the edge of space. And I don’t know if I’d change a thing. Well, maybe I’d change my paycheque to a nicer, more useful number. But, as my mom wisely says, you can’t have everything.

At this juncture, if I were a doctor, I think I’d prescribe sitting on a patio on a balmy summer evening with a tall glass of refreshing malt (or liquor/mixed) beverage condensating on the table beside me while attempting to write the Great Canadian Novel. Though, I should probably stick to poetry to start . . .

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Though who knows how the muse will take me 😉